Random Things and Quality Time

Monday I had a dr appt with my rheumatologist.  I did not really enjoy my visit this time. I have to go every two months and have blood work done and follow up. The last appt two months ago, I told him I was hurting really bad in my knee. I thought I was just having a flare up and inflammation. Well, after sending me to the xray room 4 times we discovered that I have a degenerative disc in my back and it is the one that is connected to my knee. Well, this visit, when he was manipulating my joints like he always does, he got to my knee and I reminded him to take it easy because it still hurts. He then asks me what's wrong with my knee. Ummmm.......really doc? This is not the first time this has happened.  Alot of times I'm having to remind him of things we discuss and things we do. I respect all doctors. I know drs see alot of patients every day for months however, this is a specialist and I have seen him for years and my appts are so often......you see where I'm going. In other words, we see each other on a regular basis, you would think we develop a dr patient relationship after a while.  I would like to think that he "knows" all about me and my history. But here for some time I have felt differently.  I'm having to remind him of too much and there are some appts he listens and some I feel like he doesn't listen. Also, every visit is almost the same. We talk about the same stuff and he performs the same stuff. I don't really know why he has me coming every two months except to just do my lab work that I have to have done frequently or to have x-rays done that they have to keep up with. I can have blood work done at my local primary care dr and they fax him my lab work. This visit Monday though kind of made me really upset. 😕

The nurse came in and took all my vitals and she asked me if I had the vaccine yet. I told her no. She then said, Why? In a tone I didn't particularly care for. I told her because I don't want it.  She wrote that on my paper. So, after a bit, in comes my dr. The first thing he asks is the same thing. I didn't like his tone either.  😕 . For the past few visits he is really pushing this on me and I don't like it.  I explain to him I do not want it and why and he doesn't seem to like my answer. He kind of acts like he gets slightly irritated with me. After, he does all he's going to do, after me having to remind him of what we discussed and discovered at my last visit,  he walks out to the nurses station with me like he does all patients. He then tells the nurse to put in my file that I don't want the vaccine because I said I was immune to it and wouldn't get it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME DOC! I   did not say that. What I did day was that I did not want the vaccine because I did not feel it was safe just yet due to being pushed through too fast and not studied enough like all other vaccines. Also, people have already died from the vaccine and even vaccinated people are getting Covid. This is my conviction and my opinion right now and I'm entitled to it.  My husband had it back in May and we were locked in our home together the whole time. I did not get it.  I was very upset that he would mock me like that. So he schedules my next appt 6 mths out and says I can let my local Dr do my blood work and fax it to them to put into my files. I feel like he is brushing me off now due to him not wanting me to come back for a while since I am not vaccinated yet. This bothers me. He may fear for his own health and I have no problem with that but to push someone and act the way he did is not acceptable to me.  I am going to have to think on this for a while meaning, if this keeps up, and he has this attitude towards me,  I may be asking for a referral to another specialist. 

Yall, I am by no means saying this virus is not real, nor am I down playing it.  It is real and it has taken many lives. I will not go into debates with anyone on it.  Not on social media nor my blog. I will say, that as Americans , we still have a right to choose right now concerning the affairs of our bodies and we also can act on our own conviction,  concerns,  opinions and etc. This is all I will say on this matter. 😉 

In other news....😅😅

That evening after I got home from my Dr appt, I went outside to get somethings out of one of our sheds and bam!  I sprained my ankle. I heard it pop and I went down. I am not exaggerating when I say that I do this all the time. I am constantly twisting my ankles or falling down or tripping on thin air. 🙃 I made it inside and didn't realize how bad it was at first. I just knew it was burning and sore at the moment but I had things to do. This is two days apart. 

I had packing to do and get my things ready. After that,  hubby was concerned and told me to ice it. 🧊 

The next day, I cut out to be with dear hubby again. This time I traveled alone.  

I got here Tuesday and had enough time to unload truck and make supper before he got off work.  I made some super salads 🥗.  We needed to eat light after all the stuff we ate from Caroline's bday party.  🎂

We just relaxed the rest of the night. 

The next day I got up with him and we had our coffee together. He left for work and I read and prayed. I got ready and went to town to pick up some things for supper. I was so tired and my ankle and knee was just hurting.  I unloaded truck and put groceries away. I laid down to take a nap but only slept 45 minutes 😩.  I needed a good nap.  Oh well. 

I got up, waddled into the living room and read a little and propped my legs up. 

It was then time to make supper and I was so excited. I wanted to try a cauliflower crust pizza. Dear hubby is watching his carbs and sugar. I made one a few yrs ago and we liked it but the boys were not crazy about it.  So, I thought I'd do it again. It turned out so good. 

As I was cooling,  our little family of deer came out and came so close to the window. 

Maybe they could smell it,  I don't know. 😁 

We cleaned the kitchen and just watched some TV until it was time for him to go to bed. 

Got up the next morning and we had our coffee ☕ together again. ❤ He said he was enjoying this time together with me in the morning.  It makes his morning more enjoyable before he goes to work.  

I then proceeded to go back to my favorite spot for some sunshine and water therapy:

I took this time to do alot of praying for my family. I connect better with God when I'm in my own element. I began praying for our oldest son whose divorce became final and he has accepted the fact that he is a single man even though he didn't choose to be. He held on as long as he could and finally just signed the papers. It became final and it hit him. He is trying to move on but momma knows his heart. He hides things really well. He goes out and he tries to date but it's all new to him again. He's afraid of starting over. He is scared and is afraid of being hurt again.  Every time he meets someone, it will be OK for a few days but then he gets cold feet and let's go. I am ready for him to just find happiness now with someone. He deserves it. I will have to keep praying. 

I've had to pray for our girls again. Their mommy has moved in with her acquaintance and the girls have started a preschool there. Atleigh loves it but Caroline not so much. So many changes and she doesn't do change well.  It will take them a bit to adjust again. 

Got back to the rent house and rented and then got ready. It was date night with my sweetheart  💕

Tomorrow we will go home for the weekend and see our little buddies. Poppie and Gmaw have missed them. 

Happy Birthday

Yesterday was our Little Scrappies 3rd bday. She has brought so much joy and happiness in our lives not to mention alot of other things. 😇😇 She is who she is but she is also so much like her daddy. She knows what she wants, when she wants it,  and wants it her way. 😏 if she doesn't get it, she will give you the stinky eye. She is tiny but fierce. She is like an onion, you have to peel the layers back one at a time. She is a go getter and you have to see through her facade to see her sensitivity. She's got sass and she will go far in life after getting sent to her room alot first. 😅😅. We love her dearly and she's gonna stand up for her self and her beliefs. ❤ Happy birthday sweet Caroline.  Poppie and Gmaw love you whole bunches.

We celebrated her birthday with a party at our house. 

Caroline's Birthday Week

 This week is Caroline's bday 🎂 week. We spoiled Atleigh for hers and now we are spoiling Caroline. 

We combined her bday week with road trip. It was their turn to go. 

Trust me when I say, I am so glad I made those activity back packs. Whew!   They kept them entertained. 

But I will tell you what they loved the most. I made some road trip scavenger hunt binders. I printed out some game pages I found online and put them in sheet protectors.  I got dry erase markers and erasers. As we were riding,  they wanted to take them out and see how many things they could find out the windows. Atleigh enjoyed it more and it kept her more entertained.  Then we had movies, snacks and an occasional nap. Always helps. 😁

Poppie was following close behind. We stopped to get some lunch, and stretch and get the wiggles out. 

We made it to our rent house. We ate a light supper and I got them ready for bed and just relax a little. Of course they had to snuggle with Poppie. 

They are getting so good at self care. 

We got in bed early because Poppie has to get up so early.  I didn't hurt is any. We just went to bed when the girls did. 

The next morning, I got up after dear hubby went to work.  The girls were so tired they slept in. I had my coffee, and my devotions on the back porch of the rent house. It was so peaceful. 

The girls woke up and they got to see a few ducks that live here across the road. They are out here all day every day. 

We got ready and went to town. We had to pick up a few groceries for the girls to eat. I am trying to keep somewhat the same kind of routine here as we do at home. You have to when you have little ones.  New places and new things can make them a little nervous. Unfamiliar things can cause just a hint if anxiety. Plus, if you get out of your routine,  your trip can turn a little sour in a hurry. So I took them to our favorite donut 🍩 shop. They ate mine too. 😅 

Poppie and Daddy gave them some spending money and they had their lock box money from chores. So many toys, not enough time. I should have taken a chair and just sit down. 🙃

I took them to get their nails done just for fun. 

We got back and ate lunch and took a much needed nap.  

I had to bring their table and chair because the land lord had a glass table and only two chairs.  Like I said, keep it feeling as close to home as possible. 

Then they played with their toys they got the rest of the time. I made supper and before we knew it, Poppie was home from work.  Then movie and popcorn. 

It was bedtime and I'm so glad I brought their sound machine. Makes bedtime in a strange place easier. 😴

Next day:

We packed a lunch and headed to the local Lake around here. It has a little aquarium in the visitor center. That was a big hit. They got to pet some turtles. Then they played on the play ground and swam. 

The next day we went back to our favorite place to get more donuts and kolasels. Y'all love them as much as me now. 😅

Then we found a little place to go and play. It's like one giant play room. It is in a mini mall. I let yall play for two hours. 

While they were playing, there was a massage chair. I couldn't tell if I was getting a massage or violated. LOL. 

Right beside this place was an ice cream shop. 🍦 yes please. 

That evening when Poppie got off work, he came and picked us up and we went out to eat. 

The next day was time to travel home. 😌

Well, I would say we have had a good week for Caroline's bday. I am so proud of them. They traveled really good.  So thankful for busy binders,  activity back packs, traveling trays, snacks, movies,  stuffed animals and blankets. 😅😅😅

I am so proud of both of them. Bed times were easy and traveling was good. We had a great time. I love making memories with my grandchildren.  

Another Week

 Last night when we got back home, the first thing we did was check the house over to see how good Dallas did staying by himself. Needless to say, we were impressed. Did he do things exactly like we did, no, but in his own way. I will teach him some more things before we leave out again. He likes being in his castle by himself. 😅😅 He's gotta learn some way or another and now is just as good a time as any. 

The girls came early this morning.  

We had a good day. We played and did school.  

This little one can have her moments. This moment she chose to be loving. ❤

Poppie took Caroline to town for just some alone time with her. Atleigh was still asleep from nap time. She loves our sound machine. 

A few weeks ago he took Atleigh to town for some one on one time. So now it was Caroline's turn. 

When she woke up, and Poppie and Caroline were gone, she helped me clean up. 

She is going to take very good care of her family some day. 

Poppie and Caroline got back with Pizza and candy. 

They are spending the night because daddy is on call and mommy is working 12-24 hr shifts the next 5 days. 

So, it's pizza 🍕,  movie 🎥,  and popcorn  🍿.  

C y'all tomorrow. 

Much Needed Time

This has been such a busy, tiring and emotional summer for our family. You can read previous posts so I want have to go into alot of detail. 

It was finally time for some down time. 

My sweetheart had to spend his bday alone because of work and I hated it. He spent so much of his summer taking care of everyone else that I felt so awful that he spent it alone.  The time when he needed to feel special. So I did what I normally do not do. I went all willy nilly. I took some dear friends and dear hubby's advice and just let go. Let  go of my anxieties,  my fears, my unknowns and just packed and went on a much needed get away with dear hubby. 

With that being said, I did something I said I would never do and that was leave our youngest at home. We have never done this with either one of our kids as long as they loved in our home. Even though he is 18 almost 19, I still don't like it. Yes, I am a smother mother but never will be a regretful one. He did not want to join me and I needed to go badly. I needed to just run, and run fast to just escape. I had to leave all worries behind, all negative emotions. I need new focus, new visions.  I need sanity,  peace, clarity, time with God, time with dear hubby. Much needed time. 

You see,  we have poured all our time and energy into our boys all these years and now our grandchildren. Our boys are older and with that comes new anxieties and fears as they go into the world and experience things for themselves.  One is learning all about lost love and heart break. Again,  previous posts. This creates sadness in this mommas heart because I am a fixer. I want to erase all his hurt and anger. I want to make things better. However,  God, through other people, have made me see and realize I can't. I have had to fully rely on God to do this for him. It is breaking my heart but I have learned that I must let go and let him trudge these waters alone and live his life. The only thing I can focus on is the girls and just pour time and energy into making them happy. Just to have fun and make memories. They will always know and feel that Poppie and Gmaw are always here. 

As our youngest goes, leaving him at home was a MAJOR let go for me. I've never done that. But I got so tired of worrying and thinking of all the what ifs. I was so tired of missed opportunities,  waiting on everyone else to see what their schedules was so I could make plans. I just had to let go and say, It's time for me. 

I packed my bags, told youngest he could stay here (but I laid down heavy rules. Not gonna let him get off that easy), told oldest and Jossie I was headed out and I wouldn't be back for a few days.  I pulled a willy nilly. And I have to say, it feels good. Dear hubby and friends have been right all along. 

Now,  does this mean that I have given up parenting? Most certainly not. My job now is to sit back and pray. And boy have I been doing alot of that. I've stepped back from trying to fix things and let them fix things for themselves.  Again, new territory for me. Dear hubby knows I'm struggling but he's trying to keep me grounded and focused. 

Today:

I'm at the water, my sweethearts at the smoke stack. Today is focusing on me. I need self care, peace, sanity etc. I connect with nature and water and this is my therapy. This trip is about me and my sweetheart. New visions. New focus. ❤❤💋💋

It is so peaceful today. 

I met a few little friends and they brought me a shell. 

I'm waiting on dear hubby to get off work and it's dinner and a movie for us tonight. No thinking about anyone but us. ❤

Next day:

Hit some thrift stores, Hobby Lobby to look for some material, found somewhere to get a haircut, and my favorite place to get breakfast. There is a place we love that sales homemade doughnuts and these things. They are delicious.  

Great way to start my adventures for the day.  I am in Heaven. One of my favorite things here. ❤❤

Came back and took a power nap. Got up and got ready. Dear hubby came and picked me up for date night. 

Oh don't mind us youngsters.  It's date night.

Next day:

I just went and loafed around somemore. Picked up some salad stuff for supper. Just gonna relax today. 

The last day I was lazy. Hubby went into work and said he was going to get off early. He said if I wanted to go ahead and cut out driving before he got off work that was ok and he wouldn't be far behind.  I layed down and took a nap. When I woke up he said he was getting off work so we could leave together.  We finally got home around 7:30 pm. We were exhausted. 

Girls will be here bright and early in the morning.