Pay Attention

 I want to make this post for parents. If my thoughts seem jumbled, trust me, I'm probably jotting down thoughts as they pop into my head. That's just how an overthinking mind works.  😕

Parents,  stress, anxiety and depression does not just effect grown ups. It effects even down to babies. Yes, even babies pick up and sense moods from people. They can sense if you are tense,  scared, nervous etc. Then they copy cat or they don't feel secure. It is proven. 

Toddlers: they can sense it too. They may be too young to understand circumstances but believe me, they pick up on words, expressions and movement. Then they can process it in their little minds and start pitting two and two together. Example,  separation of parents or divorce is a number one factor. Parents please, DO NOT  have adult conversations,  arguments, and God forbid, fights in front of your children. My husband and I have never fought, much less in front of our children. We've never fought period. Now, we've had disagreements,  but we have always discussed them away from our children. Our kids can tell you they have never seen us argue or fuss in front of them.  Certain things don't need to be discussed in front of innocent ears. Kids need security not chaos. Find somewhere else to discuss problems out of ear shot of kids. 

Anxiety and stress effects children just like grown ups , just at a different level. It effects them emotionally and physically. It can interrupt sleeping,  eating etc. Yes, it can. Teachers in public schools can testify to this. They are the ones that kids dump all their bad moods on and feelings. Some will confide in teachers. Kids this young need to be guided in to how to cope with emotions and circumstances and it's hard. But by them having someone to talk to helps. 

Our church deals with alot of kids that come from the school on Wednesdays and you would not believe some of these kids home lives. I can't name them for confidentiality reasons but trust me when I say, it's hard to send kids back home into that environment when you just want to cuddle them and keep them safe. Its hard not to say something. 

Preteens: start paying attention real hard to this stage. Well, all stages but this one starts becoming harder. Kids these days have more temptations thrown at them thanks to television,  internet, and social media. 😑 It's not like it was in our day and age. It had gotten worse. Satan doesn't even hide anymore. He is walking around proudly in broad daylight and plain view.

If you watch TV you will know. 

Red flags to look for: mood swings, loss of appetite, sleeping issues,  isolation quietness and private, depression,  suicidal thoughts.  I swear,  when my kids hit this age, I thought aliens 👽 came and abducted my children and left me with someone I did not even know. When you start seeing these changes, you better start getting nosey. Because before long they will start thinking that what they are hearing and seeing from other sources are normal activity.  And these things may go against your morals, beliefs and values. 

Get nosey with what they are watching, seeing and hearing from sources or even people.  Find out who their friends are,  what their parents are like, who they are related to. Y'all, I'm not playing, these are all factors to take into consideration. Bad influences can corrupt your child that has been raised right by biblically sound morals. Trust me on this. 

This is a crucial stage also because of shift in hormones and puberty.  PAY ATTENTION. Do not leave them alone to electronic devices. Even things can still get past parental controls. It kills me to see a kid this young or even in elementary school to have a cell phone. Don't get me started on that soap box. 

Teenagers and High Schoolers: OH BOY, here we go. 

This is a whole new ballgame. If you think you needed to pay attention to the previous stages, you better up your game on this one. 

This is the stage that can get tense and tricky. Simply because they know they are becoming of adult age soon and they are going to test your boundaries and their wings. This is the stage where you gotta give them some space but at the same time hold your ground. This is also the stage where they think they know more than you as parents and they are set out to prove it. 

I'm going to pour my heart out right  now. Let me be the first to say my kids are not perfect and never have been just because they were raised in a Christian home with morals and biblical standards. My kids have caused me heart ache and sore knees from praying and crying out to God. They have caused me many sleepless nights, anxiety, headaches,  and stomach aches. 😫 They were disciplined and grounded more at this stage than their whole life. 

This age is getting more complicated because of all the peer pressure, temptations and influences out there. This age group suffers with more anxiety, stress, depression and sleep disorders. Then you throw in the mix if these kids have troubles at home like abusive or neglectful parents,  alcoholic parents or divorced parents. I have had several of my kids friends want to use our home as a safe haven. It is awful and my heart goes out to them. They are my other sons. I have comforted and counseled many of my kids friends. However, my own kids wouldn't come to me to talk mostly because it would probably go against what they wanted to hear and what they wanted to do. 

Be careful with this age. I can't tell you how to discipline or parent your kids because you have your own set of rules and convictions but there has to be consequences for wrong behavior without being so tight that they get rebellious and take a chance on running away. Lots of communication is the key and a whole lot of grace. One of our boys is stubborn but eventually listens to reason and will sometimes comply or compromise. The other,  not so much. He is strong willed and kind of a rebel. He insists on doing things his way which is usually totally against our house rules. He is the kind that is going to have to learn things the hard way because he doesn't want to listen. 🙄 

This mom is tired. One kid aggravated me more with his antics,  the other exhausted me more with his.  

You have to find a common ground with this age. Even a kid who is grounded can fall by the wayside by bad influences and peer pressure. Now you really need to get nosier than ever about who they are hanging out with and what they are like and their parents are like.  My number one question was always does their parents drink or do drugs.  Well of course I was not going to let my kids go spend the night with them.  Get nosey about where they are going to hang out. Have GPS on their phones if you have to.  I know alot of people are gonna get on the "that invades their privacy" band wagon.  Oh well, we pay those truck payments and insurance so there's that. They also still live in my home so there's that too. You have to put your kids safety above their feelings these days.  If they live long enough, they will and should thank you when they get older. 

When they get 18 and they are still in school  or they move out.  It really becomes a whole new ballgame because if they do something against the law, they will be tried as adults in a court of law and there is nothing you can do about it.  I refused to enable my kids by taking their side and still don't. If you do something against the law, and you were raised better, I'm not bailing you out.  You will take the consequences and deal with them.  That may sound harsh to some but I'm trying to raise respectable men that can function in society and obey the law. Its been a struggle but we're getting there. 

Like I said, I can't tell you how to discipline or raise your kids, but please pay attention to the different stages and things going on in their lives. You should be able to tell when something is off by the way they are acting. If not,  you better start noticing. 

We are not living in older times now. Things have changed alot and gotten worse since we were teenagers.  Sex, drugs, alcohol is rampant more now than ever. I swear it's worse now than Sodom and Gomorrah.  Satan is stealing our children and their minds throughTV, internet,  social media, bad influences,  drugs, alcohol etc.  Please,  for the love of God, start paying attention,  we are loosing our young people.  Step up, become the parents God called us to be. It's ok to say NO to your kids. It's hard to be their buddies when they are mad at you but eventually they get over it.  I'd rather them be mad because I said they couldn't go somewhere or hang out with someone rather than putting them 6 ft under prematurely.  They will grow up someday.  Those kids that had parents that just let them go and do whatever had landed themselves in jail or prison or worse. I know some friends of my kids that this has happened and this is sad. Now on that note, I know a kids behavior can not always be blamed on the parent either.  I know parents just like us who are good parents who raised their kids in church and taught them right from wrong and their kids still go down the wrong path.  It is heart breaking I know. It is our prayer that these kids get back on the good and narrow.  Hopefully God will bring back to memory their loving parents and their raising. Bring back the erring one the Bible says. It's not always the parents fault.  

I truly hope this has helped someone. It has helped me just by talking about it.  If you and your kids are still struggling and having trouble,  please get help and counseling.