Much Needed Time

This has been such a busy, tiring and emotional summer for our family. You can read previous posts so I want have to go into alot of detail. 

It was finally time for some down time. 

My sweetheart had to spend his bday alone because of work and I hated it. He spent so much of his summer taking care of everyone else that I felt so awful that he spent it alone.  The time when he needed to feel special. So I did what I normally do not do. I went all willy nilly. I took some dear friends and dear hubby's advice and just let go. Let  go of my anxieties,  my fears, my unknowns and just packed and went on a much needed get away with dear hubby. 

With that being said, I did something I said I would never do and that was leave our youngest at home. We have never done this with either one of our kids as long as they loved in our home. Even though he is 18 almost 19, I still don't like it. Yes, I am a smother mother but never will be a regretful one. He did not want to join me and I needed to go badly. I needed to just run, and run fast to just escape. I had to leave all worries behind, all negative emotions. I need new focus, new visions.  I need sanity,  peace, clarity, time with God, time with dear hubby. Much needed time. 

You see,  we have poured all our time and energy into our boys all these years and now our grandchildren. Our boys are older and with that comes new anxieties and fears as they go into the world and experience things for themselves.  One is learning all about lost love and heart break. Again,  previous posts. This creates sadness in this mommas heart because I am a fixer. I want to erase all his hurt and anger. I want to make things better. However,  God, through other people, have made me see and realize I can't. I have had to fully rely on God to do this for him. It is breaking my heart but I have learned that I must let go and let him trudge these waters alone and live his life. The only thing I can focus on is the girls and just pour time and energy into making them happy. Just to have fun and make memories. They will always know and feel that Poppie and Gmaw are always here. 

As our youngest goes, leaving him at home was a MAJOR let go for me. I've never done that. But I got so tired of worrying and thinking of all the what ifs. I was so tired of missed opportunities,  waiting on everyone else to see what their schedules was so I could make plans. I just had to let go and say, It's time for me. 

I packed my bags, told youngest he could stay here (but I laid down heavy rules. Not gonna let him get off that easy), told oldest and Jossie I was headed out and I wouldn't be back for a few days.  I pulled a willy nilly. And I have to say, it feels good. Dear hubby and friends have been right all along. 

Now,  does this mean that I have given up parenting? Most certainly not. My job now is to sit back and pray. And boy have I been doing alot of that. I've stepped back from trying to fix things and let them fix things for themselves.  Again, new territory for me. Dear hubby knows I'm struggling but he's trying to keep me grounded and focused. 

Today:

I'm at the water, my sweethearts at the smoke stack. Today is focusing on me. I need self care, peace, sanity etc. I connect with nature and water and this is my therapy. This trip is about me and my sweetheart. New visions. New focus. ❤❤💋💋

It is so peaceful today. 

I met a few little friends and they brought me a shell. 

I'm waiting on dear hubby to get off work and it's dinner and a movie for us tonight. No thinking about anyone but us. ❤

Next day:

Hit some thrift stores, Hobby Lobby to look for some material, found somewhere to get a haircut, and my favorite place to get breakfast. There is a place we love that sales homemade doughnuts and these things. They are delicious.  

Great way to start my adventures for the day.  I am in Heaven. One of my favorite things here. ❤❤

Came back and took a power nap. Got up and got ready. Dear hubby came and picked me up for date night. 

Oh don't mind us youngsters.  It's date night.

Next day:

I just went and loafed around somemore. Picked up some salad stuff for supper. Just gonna relax today. 

The last day I was lazy. Hubby went into work and said he was going to get off early. He said if I wanted to go ahead and cut out driving before he got off work that was ok and he wouldn't be far behind.  I layed down and took a nap. When I woke up he said he was getting off work so we could leave together.  We finally got home around 7:30 pm. We were exhausted. 

Girls will be here bright and early in the morning.