Marriage

  Disclaimer: A lot of the pictures on this page are my personal photos. Other photos or memes are shared with permission and consent to help promote friendly websites, blogs, vlogs, articles, books, authors, etc. I do not own the rights to some of these pics. 

Disclaimer 2: I am by no means a marriage counselor, nor do I hold a degree in counseling. I am just sharing what I have learned, gleaned, read, researched, prayed for, seen, and what has worked for us. It has worked for us all these years. 

Y'all might want to grab a snack 🍲 or some coffee or something because this page is a doozy. lol It took me three years to put this page together. I literally had notes written on scrap pieces of paper, notepads, notebooks, journals, stashed all through my house. Not to mention notes on my  computer, app on my phone. Three years of this information floating around in my head. Then to get it all together, sit down, organize, compile, plan, type, proofread, retype, and design to get it all on this page. This page has been in draft mode for three years with me constantly adding to it. I'm not kidding when I say grab a cup of coffee and a snack. If you don't get to it all in one setting, bookmark it and come back to it. Please. Don't give up on me. Don't quit. Even the memes are full of insight  to make you think. Read them too. Great designers. If you want to tread this alone or with your spouse, grab a Bible and have it handy. Some things may be repeated more than once, because remember, this page has been worked on for three years. There is no telling what all I have  said and jotted down in three years. So bear with me. This is just how my mind works. I'm going to warn you now, some things are bold, but they are not just opinions or my thoughts. I have provided scripture to go along with them. 

This page is going to be near and dear to my heart. I am very passionate about three things in my life. First, Loving My Lord and Savior with all my heart. Next, is loving my husband. Then, is loving and raising my children. All my life this is all I have ever wanted and prayed for. 

Just a back story. My grandparents had a great love story. You can read about them on my Dedication Page in the Header. I am a firm believer in asking the Lord for your soul mate and waiting patiently for him to answer. However, I got impatient as a teenager and tried to do things my way. My flesh got in the way. Here is my story. 

I chased boys all my teenage years. I thought I had to be what they wanted me to be in order for me to "catch the right guy". You see, I did not go about it Gods way. I made the mistake of not remaining the person God made me to be. I started listening to the world and forgot who I was. I lost myself. 

 After so many years of failures and going down wrong roads and much heartbreak, I finally just got tired of it all. I was so unhappy, broken, and alone. I felt like I was never going to find the right one, the love of my life, my soulmate, my forever partner and best friend. I had hit rock bottom. Since I was not willing to make changes on my own and didn't exactly know where to start, God had to do it for me. Little by little he started removing people from my life that had served their purpose and it was time for me to move on. I could not have done this on  my own. I was weak. I did not want to break ties or friendships. It hurt but needed to be done. 

 Then all of the sudden, it was then that I realized God had been there all along and was just waiting for me to wake up. It's like someone hit me on the back of the head and said, "Wake Up, it's time to just turn it over to God!' So, that's exactly what I did. Here is how it went. 

It was on a New Years Eve that I sat on the hood of my car, and poured my heart out to God. I was so tired of chasing guys, I was ready for God to "bring" him to me. My Prince Charming. So, my prayer went like this.. "God, please bring me someone to just love me, they don't have to know why they love me, just  as long as they do. And God, you can throw in tall dark and handsome too if you want to!" I just let it all out and turned it over to him. I felt so much better. I got off the hood of my car a renewed person this time determined to let God do his work. Now, pay attention to my prayer because it is important. 

It was three months later that my parents and I were in a restaurant eating, and in walks this guy that I could not take my eyes off of. He was tall, dark and handsome. I noticed as he came in and sat down that he kept looking at me and staring the whole time we were there. This kept going until it was time for us to leave. I did not want to go. Three nights later, my phone rang and to my surprise, it was him. He had gotten my phone number. He was asking me out on a date. Now, all sorts of things were  going through my mind. I was shocked, surprised, excited, nervous, apprehensive, guarded, etc. However, I had to turn him down. I explained that I had already made plans with my parents and I was not going to break them. So, he just asked me out for the next Friday night. What!!!! He was ok with it. No big deal. He understood. I agreed. I was so nervous and excited that I called my best friend and I was just about to talk myself out of it. I did not want to get hurt again. She assured me to just go out with him. One time wouldn't hurt and if I didn't like him and didn't want to see him again, it would be ok. 

The night came for our date. We met at the same restaurant and I came to sit at my table and there was a little red gift bag, with a brown teddy bear and a rose in it. ( I still have it to this day) The bag said, "I Love You" on it. Wow!!! That was quick. We go out on our date and we actually have a good time. We went out to eat and he was so nervous, he couldn't eat. He was shaking. We spent our whole date talking about our childhoods, hurts and dreams. We learned a lot about each other in just hours. He took me back home and he asked me out again. This time I didn't hesitate. A few nights later, we went out again. This time was different. When it was time for me to go home, I got in my car and was fixing to leave and he said, "I LOVE YOU!" just as natural and no hesitation. All I could do was just stare blankly into his blue eyes. I could not believe what he had just said. It was still registering in my mind when he interrupted me and said, "Well!' What was I suppose to say. All I know is I had to get out of there. He scared me. I just said, "OK" and left. My mind was thinking, IS HE CRAZY, IT'S JUST THE SECOND DATE IT'S TOO SOON......

Dates later, as I was leaving, he said it again. In my head, I'm thinking, "you don't know what your talking about, it's too soon, you are out of your mind"  He didn't seem to think so. He wanted an answer. My head was spinning, my chest was tight, I couldn't breathe. I just looked at him and asked, "Why do you love me?"  He  looked at me a bit and it's like he was waiting on the right answer and he was pondering what to say and then he said it, " I DON'T KNOW, I JUST DO!" Y'all.......that hit me. (remember my prayer). Time stood still right there for me. I remembered my prayer and it's like God slapped me right in the back of my head. I could not believe what he just said. I heard it as plain as day, but couldn't believe it. I finally gathered my senses and I could see the look on his face. He wanted and needed and answer. I was stuck. I was scared. I wanted to run. Instead, all I could do was, say "I Love You Too!" Wait, What? Did I just say that out loud. I had been thinking it, pondering it, wanting to say it, I was just afraid to. I was afraid the minute I said it, he would be gone. I just had to get out of there. Guys, I rolled up my window so fast, and spun tires trying to leave. I got home and just had to think. It felt right saying it but scary. To my surprise, he calls me again. This guy wasn't giving up. Our dates continue. We are falling for each other. I became comfortable around him. To this day he still sings this song to me.

One day he comes into the house where I was at and he blurts out, "I'm going into the Marines!" I said, "What in the world?" He said he saw a commercial on tv talking about being one of the Few, the Proud, the Marines. He knew that's what he wanted. Well, OK. Y'all we dated for 3 1/2 weeks before he shipped out. We learned more about each other, laughed, cried, dreamed, planned, etc., through letters for the next 19 months. He got to come home on several leaves and I got to travel to some places where he was. Our longest times apart in that 19 months was, boot camp, Desert Storm, the Gulf War, and Okinawa, Japan. Finally, before he comes home from Okinawa, he tells me that he is coming home in 2 weeks and we are getting married. WOW! We were already engaged. We had gotten engaged on a trip that me and a friend of mine made just out of the blue. He had no time to prepare an elaborate engagement surprise because he was so confident. He has said all these years that he wasn't worried because he has known since the day he walked into that restaurant that I was the one and he was going to marry me. 

So, I had two weeks to plan. With the help of friends and family, I  pulled off my fairy tale wedding to my Prince Charming. Isn't he the most handsome thing you ever saw? 

 

I could go on and on and tell y'all a lot more of our stories, but that would take a book. Maybe one day I will. I want to start by saying this. I am by no means going to tell you what to teach your children, but I am going to suggest to try to teach them to pray about the person God will send them and to wait on Gods timing. We can want a lot of things but if it is not Gods will, we are not going to get them. Gods timing is always perfect and here is a good example. You see, the restaurant we met at was owned by his birth mother. My parents were great friends with her and her husband. We all went on vacations together, I worked for  her a lot of times when she needed help.  One of his  sisters came and stayed with  her a while and worked there. One of his brothers lived in the same town and was married to a woman our family knew.  The night of my Sr. graduation, after it was over, I remember going into the restaurant and telling my parents that I was going to a party, his momma (the one who raised him, we call her Nanny) was in there. She remembered me. This was 6 YEARS before we ever met. No one ever mentioned him, not once did our paths ever cross.  The night I met him, I noticed he went into the kitchen and talked to the owner (his birth mother), then came back out and sat down. I knew he knew her then but didn't know how. When I asked her later who he was, she said, "Oh, that's my son!" My mouth hit the floor.  He explained all that a few years later.  I was a little perturbed that no one had ever thought to introduce us or even mention us to the other. You see, it wasn't meant for us to meet 6 years prior. God knew something we didn't know. Maybe he was still working on both of us. I know he was me. He had a plan. Gosh, if only I could have met him sooner, but the turn out may not have been like this. GODS TIMING IS ALWAYS RIGHT. 

We both knew what we wanted out of life. We knew we wanted to build our own legacy where our marriage was concerned. I wanted a  forever love like my grandparents had. We made a vow that divorce was not ever an option. You see, we had rough childhoods growing up and were both scarred emotionally. We wanted to break that cycle. We were determined. God has always had his hands on our marriage. I prayed over our marriage every day and to this day, I still do.  I know it was Gods will for David and I to meet. I know we are soulmates. We have a bond and connection that cannot be explained. We were drawn to each other then and we still are today because we are still determined after all these years that we are going to finish our legacy together. When we said I DO, we meant it. 

We knew we wanted to teach our future children about marriage and how to pray for their future wives. We live each and every day as an example in front of them. Our boys wanted what we have. 

Those tender innocent years of childhood and preteen years is the time to be prepping, teaching and praying with our children to stay pure and save themselves for marriage. We are living in some sinful ages (we have since The Garden of Eden) and it is getting harder and harder to keep our children innocent. They are seeing way to much on tv and internet. It is our job as parents to teach or kids but as parents there also comes a time we have to let go and let God work. If something happens, it's not for the sake of us not trying. I needed to cover this area because it is very important in marriage, before you get married. Saving your self for marriage is honorable and holy unto the Lord. Your body belongs to your spouse. If you give something so special away to someone other than your spouse, you have robbed them of that gift. You can never get it back. 

1 Thessalonians 4:3-7

King James Version

3 For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:

4 That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honor;

5 Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God:

6 That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified.

7 For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness.

This brings me to my next point. Soulmate. I know some of you are saying, "Well, I'm divorced, so what happened?" To be honest, I do not know. I do not understand it myself. I see people get married first and divorced, then later God brings them something better. Was their soulmate the second one? Why didn't they come first? Why did someone come into their lives just for a little while then leave? I don't have the answers. It happened in my childhood. It happened to loved ones of mine. No one knows but God. I'm so glad I received my soulmate first for the rest of my life. I do believe here are a few truths about soulmates:

Sometimes I think people just marry for convenience and are not truly happy because society hypes up marriage and the "fairy tale" of it , that we are not properly teaching our young girls and young boys "how" to have successful marriages. 

 This is what I want my page to be about. I want to share Gods design for marriage and how you can achieve it. 

All these years I looked at couples and watched couples. I could decipher then what I wanted and did not want in my marriage. I chose to watch older women who had been married for a long time. If you are relying on the world to teach you what marriage is suppose to be like, PLEASE STOP. You will be in for a huge hurt and disappointment. Just look what's always playing on the tv. Satan is in the business of "seeking whom he can destroy" and that includes your marriage. I looked at how people lived their lives and treated their spouses and talked to them and could see right quick where some "unhappiness" was coming from. I dug into my Bible and started reading all the books I could. Here are some very good reads I found and there is more out there, I will post more on down. These are just some I have read so far.   There is great information in all of these books. They also cover parenting skills and other tips. This author is great and so is her husband. He has published books for husbands, young boys, young men etc. They also have a series of books as a couple for couples. 

You can still teach old dogs new tricks. I wish I would have had these books right after we had gotten married. Just because we loved each other and got married didn't mean things were easy. We didn't get married and automatically know everything. We had to work at it. Marriage is a team effort. You work on it and for it. We were also young. 20 yrs old. We have never really had any major issues to deal with in our marriage. Our kids have never seen us fight or argue. Yes, we have our disagreements, but we have never argued or fought. We have gotten irritated and heated at each other, but we have walked away for a bit, cooled off, gathered our senses, came back, apologized and then discussed the issue at hand. I have always been the hot headed one. Yes, ME. I had to work on me and issues I had so God could work. I had to let God work on me. I had a bad habit of nagging. Boy, did I nag. I had a preachers wife tell me one time, when I approached her for advice, to "SHUT UP! and STOP NAGGING!" Just to be silent and pray and let God work. I tried it. She was right. It worked. We will touch more on that later.  So let's dive in and see where to start first. Also, if  you want to have a Bible handy, I will provide some scripture so you can see alot is not my opinion or beliefs. I want you to see for yourself what God has to say and what his ultimate design and desire is for your marriage.

First is Communication:

There is so much to cover under this topic. From the time you get married, you have to communicate. You have to talk. You have to express your feelings. Yes, guys, this means you too. I know men don't like this  because it is out of your comfort zone. Men don't "talk" about their feelings. Well, you better. We as women can't read your minds. We may interpret something wrong or misunderstand alot if you don't speak up. This will save alot of heart aches and arguments along the line. Women are more emotionally driven. We have no problem telling you what's on our minds or how we feel.

 When talking about how you feel about something, be open and honest. Don't lie or down play it just for the sake of not wanting to talk about it or brush it off. Don't dodge the subject hoping it will go away. It's not going anywhere. If you leave it bottled up, unattended, it will build up resentment. That resentment turns to bitterness and anger. Bitterness and anger causes feelings of hate. You see where I'm going with this? Not communicating spirals alot of effects that you don't want coming in. This has caused alot of marriages to fail, right up there with finances, and adultery. Yes. It has. When you start hating someone, you forget what it was like to love them. Then all you want to do is get away from them. To leave. My first suggestion is to tell you to always be committed to talk things out, and discuss things right when they happen. Don't hold it in. If you are in an angry state, just say that you need to calm down a bit and gather yourself then, always, always make a point to come back and talk calmly and rationally. Even if it is something that you know is going to hurt the other persons feelings, it still has to be said but in a respectful matter. Both parties have to be open to a little  constructive criticism. It's all in "how" you say it, not "what" you say. My husband can be very honest sometimes, and he knows it will hurt my feelings but I appreciate the way he says it to me because it softens the blow some times. Never speak out of anger. This will get you no where but into an argument  or even worse. Speak kindly, softly, always think before you speak. You can't take words back once they are said, but you can think first, then say what you mean. Speak with love not rudeness. Whatever you do, no yelling, name calling,or  making fun of your spouse. You will never recover from those hurtful words or actions. The damage has already been done. Why would you want to treat someone that way or talk to someone that way that you profess to LOVE. That is not love. That is the Devil trying to work. Don't let him in. 

You should love your spouse enough to give and receive a little criticism. Never talk down about your spouse, degrade, criticize, make fun of etc, to your friends, family or members of the opposite sex and most of all, in front of your children. This opens up too many doors to let the Devil come in too. If something needs to be said, say it to your spouse only. If you start telling all your problems to others before you have discussed it with your spouse, all these people are going to put in their two cents worth and their opinions and some of them are not going to be nice. It will put ideas into your head and cause you to start thinking negative thoughts. Even innocent friends and families have caused problems in some peoples marriages. Please guard your tongues. Use them wisely.

For the love of God, NEVER EVER EVER hit your spouse out of anger. A man should never lay a hand on a woman and just because we are women doesn't give us the right to hit a man. Let me make a statement here: for your safety, if you are being abused, please get help. Do not be afraid to tell someone. Find a safe place if at all possible. God  never intended for a woman to be abused or mistreated. If you fear for your life, please seek a way to get out and  find help. If your life is being threatened, please pray and seek Gods guidance as of what to do and have courage. 

 Your spouse is suppose to be your safe place. Your peace. Your escape. Your comfort. 

Growing as a couple:

I told y'all when you get married, you are not going to know everything. It is going to take teamwork, communicating, sharing, praying, working, etc., to have a great marriage and lasting one. One person can't do it alone. Both parties need being involved and on board. Get in your Bibles together, read books together, have devotions together, plan, dream, discuss, etc., together. Just because you are married now doesn't mean you can't stop learning about your spouse. You talked and learned a lot about each other when you were dating, now take it a step further. Now, your married. Find out more about each others likes and dislikes. For instance: I am a talker, my husband, not so much. I always tell him, "Well, you knew this when you married me!" You're right, he did but that doesn't mean that I can't respect him when there are times that he doesn't feel like talking. In the mornings, he likes it quiet while we are sharing our coffee together. He likes to wake up slow. I am like Hammy the squirrel after I get a few sips in (if it is a good morning). lol. I love to talk. I go to bed talking, I talk in my sleep. I am an over thinker. I have to brain dump and he is the one there. If he's not, I talk to myself. I am a detailed person, I can make a conversation last and hr when it could have just taken 20 minutes. I have learned when I can talk to him and how to talk to him as to respect his wishes. I am not a great cook. My sweetheart has eaten a lot of burnt meals over the years and he respectfully eats what I cook. He never complains. He is appreciative of the fact that I love him enough to cook for him and supply his body with nutrition and I do it because I love him. I want to take care of him. However, he does have to give me some advice in a loving way if I fix something that might not taste just right or that he doesn't care for. lol. He hunts and fishes, and he will say, "You knew this when you married me!" Yes, I did. But he will respect me and cancel if it is something that is important to me that we need to do or I want to do. You see, sometimes it's about compromise too. Seasons change in a persons life as they get older. So will a persons likes and dislikes. Life will happen and circumstances will arise. You will never stop learning about each other. Grow with the seasons. Grow with the changes. Believe me, when ya'll hit menopause, (yes, guys go through it too), you will have changes come that you can't control and you will have to make adjustments and learn to deal with it. Grow together. 

Fruits Of The Spirit: trying a little kindness;

Galatians 5:22-26

King James Version

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.

25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

26 Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.

Our desire for our spouse should be to always show mutual respect for one another, show our love in little and big things, go out of our way to show love and kindness. Love means to always put the other persons needs before your own. There is no room for selfishness in marriage or any relationship. Love is about serving one another, sacrifices, dedication, devotion, loyalty and responsibilities. Treat your spouse like you want to be treated. If each person put the other persons needs before their own, both persons needs would be met. Read that again.  If you are not motivated to do any of these, your marriage is not going to get off the ground. If you struggle with showing affection, or do not know how to love,  if you have insecurity issues, low self esteem, low self confidence, Please speak up and out. Please seek some counseling. Some people did not grow up having influential parents. They didn't grow up in a home watching mom and dad show affection and respect for one another. They didn't have the role models of what a husband and wife are suppose to be like or treat each other like. Please start in the Bible first. I will provide scripture for the responsibilities of wives and husbands in marriage. It's written in plain black and white. 

Responsibilities:

Here are Bible verses dealing with the responsibilities of each person in a marriage. Don't shoot the messenger. 

Some of these are for the husbands, some the wives, some, both of you. I will put them in order as to where they are found in the Bible so you are not having to flip back and forth. Also, there are different translations of the Bible too. I will use KJV but you can use another translation if you wish. I have found that helps some people understand it better. Maybe ESV or NIV versions.

Genesis 2:18-24

18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

19 And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

22 And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 

Pay close attention to vs 18 and 24. God created  a HELPMEET (helpmate) for Adam. God didn't want man to be alone. Someone to "help" him, love, support, honor, respect, cherish and love. Men also love attention and affection. Women are natural nurturing beings. Hence, helper. When a couple gets married, they become one flesh, two souls joined together. Your hearts touch. You also are to cleave to each other and leave home. You are now dependent only on each other to supply each others needs. 

Genesis 3:16

16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. 

Yes ladies, pregnancy comes with blessings and pain. What can I say.  But the joy it brings. The husband is to rule the home and family. Husbands, this this is to be done in a loving manner, not rude, abusive etc. But out of love. Communication plays a key role in this area too. Learn what the husbands job is on ruling a home. Sit down and discuss with your wife or future wife about how you would like a home to run smoothly and what you should expect of them and vice versa. Be open and honest. Pray about it. 

 I know men are the providers, protectors, and security of the home and family. This is all the rights of a boys passage into manhood. Any woman should be blessed and feel appreciative if her spouse has these traits. Husbands don't abuse your authority. 

Proverbs 12:4

4 A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.

Women, I'm going to get on my soap box about this one. We are to be our husbands HELPMATES not destroy them or shame them. We are to lift them up, encourage them, pray for them, support them. Never, degrade, make fun of, shame or talk about your husband in a derogatory manner or otherwise in front of others. Go to him first and discuss any issues you may have with him and do it in a loving manner. Husbands, this goes both ways. Do not destroy each others reputation. This passage flows right into  my next which is my ultimate favorite. Women, please get books on this one. I have listed several above. STUDY STUDY STUDY this one. 

Proverbs 31:10-31 Women, please, please, study this passage. This is a gateway to a marriage full of blessings. Meditate and pray on it. Then ask God to empower you to become this woman.. Trust me, it will not disappoint. I am living proof. 

Proverbs 31:10-31

King James Version

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

There is so much to learn in this passage. Don't let it overwhelm you. It will take time. No one can become this woman overnight, trust me. It has taken me years. You can start with one thing at a time and work on it. Just one change can start making a difference. 

Ladies, this passage is a doozy. The woman in this passage is teaching her young son what kind of woman to look for. If you don't think she wasn't looking out for the well being of her son, you better look out. She set the standards high and she is not for the weak. If you desire and strive to become this woman, I promise you, God will honor your marriage. This woman is highly favored. She is a force to be reckoned with. Guys, if you find this kind of woman, count yourself blessed by God and treat her just as Christ treats the church (more on that in a  minute). God will truly bless a union where a woman is living a virtuous and righteous life and a man as well. Please break down this passage  line by line and study it. I highly recommend some of the books above on this subject. I am still working on myself and I have seen alot of blessings in mine and my husbands message over the years. Trust me, it works. 

Guys, you can help with this too. Share with your wife some things you would like for her to do for your. Share your feelings. Ladies, be open to listen. When she is doing a great job, praise her. This will boost her self esteem and self confidence to  a high level and she will become even better, which in turn benefits you and your home. Exchange of Power. 

This brings me to my next passage 

Luke 6: 30-38 This is some love in a nut shell, 

30 Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again.

31 And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.

32 For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them.

33 And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same.

34 And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? for sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again.

35 But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.

36 Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.

37 Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:

38 Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.

If you love one another, you will treat each other as you want to be treated. 

Look up the scriptures from the above picture for more discussion on how to treat your spouse and love them like you want to be loved and treated. 

Romans 12:4-12 another "in a nutshell" passage:

Romans 12:4-12

King James Version

4 For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office:

5 So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another.

6 Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith;

7 Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching;

8 Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness.

9 Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.

10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;

11 Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord;

12 Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;

In this passage I want to bring out "gifts". Each person bring something to the table in a relationship. You both have talents. You both are good at something. One may be good at comforting, one , encouragement. Apply this same concept to tasks. One may be better at finances, the other, organization. Put your talents together and to work for your marriage. One persons weakness is the other ones strength.

Now do y'all get the Exchange of Power thing?

I Corinthians 7: 8:15

This is for both:

8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.

9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:

11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

If you have an unbelieving spouse, do not give up.  Keep living exactly like you are suppose to as a believer. Your actions and love eventually seeps in and ministers to your spouse even if you don't think it is doing any good. They are silently watching and listening. They are learning and taking in information. It may take a while to see change and progress, even years. You are silently winning them to the Lord. At the same time, be mindful of their uncertainty and doubt and respect their wishes. Do not push your beliefs on them, nag or ridicule them for their unbelief. That will do more harm than good. I realize you may have to take on this role for a time for the sake of your family, however, in order for God to work, you have to move out of the way just a little, do your part, but don't be overbearing. A husband can't get into his position until you get into yours.

 Continue to pray that God will work through you and use you to reach your spouse. 

I Corinthians 13:4-8

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Easy-to-Read Version

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. 5 Love is not rude, it is not selfish, and it cannot be made angry easily. Love does not remember wrongs done against it. 6 Love is never happy when others do wrong, but it is always happy with the truth. 7 Love never gives up on people. It never stops trusting, never loses hope, and never quits.

8 Love will never end. But all those gifts will come to an end—even the gift of prophecy, the gift of speaking in different kinds of languages, and the gift of knowledge.

Wow! Just Wow! Get a load of this one. If this one don't make you think, something is wrong. This is how you love someone. Plain as the nose on the end of your face. 

Please study this one, break it down line by line. So much information in such few verses. 

It's hard to do or not to do some of these things. You will have to be well disciplined and have the desire to want to accomplish these qualities. Lift each other up, be each others strong hold, pray for one another. My husband and I compete sometimes to see who can be the nicest to each other or show each other random acts of kindness. He does something for me, I return the kindness and do something for him. It's kind of catchy and the more you practice, the more it becomes a habit. Try it sometime. This goes back to the old saying too, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  Respect, honor, and encouragement goes a long way on both sides. A man loves to be praised, loved, thanked, and appreciated for his abilities and provision. Try it sometime. You will see his chest pop out like a rooster with pride. You will start to see him getting better and better. Women love praise too. It makes us feel more valued in your eyes. Makes us feel as though we are doing a good job. We need just as much  encouragement to know that we are doing a good  job of keeping the home and raising the children. Try it, you will see her take more pride in her abilities too.

II Corinthians 9:6-7

But this I say, he that soweth sparingly, shall also reap sparingly. But he that soweth bountifully, will also reap bountifully.  

Husband and wives, this is self explanatory. What ever you put into your marriage, you will get out of it.  You can't expect the other one to do all the work. You have to work at meeting each others needs, or someone is going to be left feeling empty and alone and left out. This brings on other temptations. Like, talking to members of the opposite sex, adultery, etc. Men and Women are wired differently. Women let their emotions rule them. Men let their physical aspects rule them. God designed us differently on purpose. We are suppose to "complete" each other. Everyone has a Love Language, There is actually a book called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I have read through this book and I highly recommend it. It's just like the talents or gifts.Each person has one. Maybe more. As soon as you learn what your spouses language is, you can understand them better.  Please, discuss your needs with your spouse. Meet each others needs.  Even if you don't want to. If you can't meet each others needs, you are failing each other, and failing your marriage. 

Now this next one is for both persons, Y'all better grab that second or third cup of coffee. 

Ephesians 5:21-33

King James Version

21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Another big WOW!!!! This one speaks volumes. Let's try to break some down. 

Women, contrary to todays society and the feminist movement, there is nothing wrong with submitting to your husband. The word submit is not a bad word. It is intended to mean "to let the husband lead" not us. To let him have control of the family. That is his job remember. However, there is a fine line too. Guys, this does not mean you are to be abusive, rude, controlling in an obsessive manner. It does not mean she is to bow down to you as a King. It means that the husband is the head of the home, more on that in a later passage, and the wife is to pass or request all things through you first. Ladies, an example would be to ask before spending money that you may not know has been put aside for bills. Another is to take his feelings into consideration before making alot of plans to do something. Approach your husband in a loving manner and discuss your concerns and ideas. However, he should have the last say so and we need to accept it. If it is something that you seem to be persistent on, then give it some time, pray about it, and ask God that if it is what he wants for your lives or home, that he will open your husbands eyes. Praying for our husbands leadership plays a very important role in marriage. If we pray for our husbands in this area, then we have to trust God to do his work. We are to show reverence to our husbands and show them respect. They can't do the job that God created them to do if we are in the way or doing it for them. You have got to move over and let him take the reigns and do what God has designed him to do. Alot of men are often insecure in this position too.  Is he going to be perfect at first, heck no. But with your support, and with Gods help he can become great. The women are not suppose to "wear the pants" in the family sort of speak like society tries to tell us. God will not honor that. I know that sounds harsh, but the word of God is also like a two edged sword, it can be pleasant, and it can cut. The truth hurts sometimes. A woman has her job in the home and that comes in a later passage. 

Guys, this part is for you. If you are trustworthy enough to lead the home in a biblical, safe and loving manner, your wife will have no problem following your lead and trusting you. Don't be so controlling that you make her and the whole family miserable. This is also not a license to be abusive either, whether it be verbally, or physically. God will not honor that and you are in violation to his word. Be gentle. Listen to her ideas, and concerns.  God never intends for a husband to take complete "advantage" of their wives that they are miserable. Guy's your job is to love your wife as God loves the church, so, have you seen God act really ugly towards  the church? No, he leads you in a gentle way. Your job is to be the spiritual leader of the home, the provider, and protector. You have a job to do too and if you don't exactly know how to do this or become this person God intended you to be, then you need to learn. Get in  your Bible, find a group of Godly older men that can mentor you and help you and hold you accountable. The pics of the books above by Jim George, is some that he has written for men. He has a number of books for young boys, young men and older men. He is a great author and highly educated in the spiritual and biblical role of  a husband and father. You have a big role to play and a highly favored job to do. A high calling. Being a husband is not a  job for the weak either. It takes knowledge, dedication, loyalty, integrity, patience, persistence, and determination. So, you better know that you can cowboy up in any situation. You are the provider of the home, that means a JOB.  A marriage is not all about you. You have a family to care for and provide for. There is no room for selfishness.  Guys, work on yourselves first.  Become that man. 

Husbands and wives, a marriage is not Burger King, you can't have 'everything your way' all the time. This is where compromising is going to have to come in at.  There has to be some common ground. Work together as a team. 

I got out out of line with my Books. I apologize. Galatians comes before Ephesians, so go back a book and look at this passage. 

Galatians 6:9

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Colossians 3:18-25

18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. 

19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. 

20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. 

21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

22 Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God: 

23 And whatsoever* ye do, do it heartily*, as to the Lord, and not unto men; 

24 Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ. 

25 But he that doeth wrong shall receive for the wrong which he hath done: and there is no respect of persons.

You know, not only did God say this exact same thing once but here it is again, so that lets you know it is not a mere suggestion. You notice verse 23? When you play your role and you do it as Unto the Lord, you will be blessed for your obedience and efforts. That means no complaining, haughty spirit, or dread. Your spouse does not want to feel like an inconvenience, or a burden. 

I Timothy 5: 8-15 God has some strong words in this one. 

1 Timothy 5:8-15

New King James Version

8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

9 Do not let a widow under sixty years old be taken into the number, and not unless she has been the wife of one man, 10 well reported for good works: if she has brought up children, if she has lodged strangers, if she has washed the saints’ feet, if she has relieved the afflicted, if she has diligently followed every good work.

11 But [a]refuse the younger widows; for when they have begun to grow wanton against Christ, they desire to marry, 12 having condemnation because they have cast off their first [b]faith. 13 And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not. 14 Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully. 15 For some have already turned aside after Satan.

I'm going to drop a quote right here:

Husband is not just a title. Husband is not just the ability to make a wife pregnant. Husband means great responsibility. Husband means houseband; the band that binds the house together. A godly husband is a Priest, a Provider and a Protector. As a Priest a husbands subjects himself to Christ and opens the Word and leads his family to Christ through daily family worship at the family altar. As a Provider the husband works hard to ensures that the family is well fed, nourished and decently dressed. As a Protector the husband shelters his family from physical harm, emotional and spiritual attacks. A godly husband; the man of the house; will stand up for his marriage and defend his wife and children and fight for his family’s salvation. - Isaac Kubvoruno

Men, this states right here what a number one priority job is in your home. It is being the provider of the home right under being the spiritual leader of the home. I can't even add any words to that one. Women, this one tore me up a bit after Proverbs 31. I had to reread this one several times too. More than one time, God has told us not to be idle. That means to stay busy.  He also told us not to be about being busy bodies and gossipers. Ouch! Women are known more for talking then men. Both spouses need to learn to control the tongue before we speak. 

Ladies, our second job in the home is to be the Keepers of the Home (KJV) to manage the home. Our husbands provide for us and normally is the one paying the bills of the home. It is our job to manage it and keep it clean. I am by no means stating that a woman can't have a career. Even the Proverbs 31 woman helped put food on the table and provided for the home, after all she is her husbands helpmate. But she is not the soul provider. Her main job is bareing the children and raising them. Managing the  home and the children are full time jobs men, trust me. I wish that all women would have a desire to be stay at home moms, but I was on the working end one time too and it took two incomes to provide for and take care of our family. Eventually, my husband gained more and more knowledge to where he could have a good  job because he knew where my heart was. I wanted to be at home with our children and  home school them. We prayed and prayed and God made that way for us. This may not be every ones case. Ladies, its ok to want to have a career, every one does not have the desire to be at home with their children 24/7. However, If you are putting your career ahead of the care of the husband, children and home, you need to learn to prioritize and learn time management skills. Alot of things require our time and attention, trust me I know. We have to spread ourselves out very thin. If our careers are causing us to ignore our God called job, then we need to step back and reevaluate our priorities. I know of some women who have let their careers come before their husbands and children and it landed them in divorce court. This was not Gods design for your home. You and your spouse need to sit down and talk. You really need to have this conversation before getting married. There has to be some time management skills implemented for sure.  Home duties cannot be ignored, husbands and children cannot be left out. Ladies, don't get so caught up in being mothers that you forget how to be wives to your husbands. I did this for a long time. My husband felt left out sometimes but he never said a word and never complained. I have a good one. He was so understanding. You have to learn how to balance all that is on your plates. Both of you. Work, school, children, their schools, their extra cirricular activities, other responsibilities. Don't get so stressed out over all these things that you can't come home and give your spouse the attention they deserve. You may have to sit down and reevaluate and cut down on some things that is robbing your time and energy that needs to go to your spouse. 

 Maybe I can give some suggestions. When I had to work, my mother was a Godsend in the fact that she was our child caregiver. She helped me out alot by letting me have one day a week, when I got off work to run errands like pay bills, get groceries, or anything that had to do with managing my home smoother. I never took advantage of my mother. I got my business done and got there to pick up our son and didn't dilly dally. This way I didn't have to spend another day to do all this stuff. I had that time to spend time with my husband and son. My mother never asked for any pay, but we paid her just as we would someone else. She was worth it. A Godsend. I never had to stress and wonder if my child was being taken care of. This in turn lightened my mood. She also went one step further for us. We payed her to clean our home  once a week and yes, we paid her. This freed me up on my weekends so I could focus on my family. She enjoyed the money too. Learn to use that crock pot and instant pot ladies. LOL.  I know one woman who would get up in the mornings (or do this the night before) and prep supper, put it in the oven and use the special features on her oven to where the oven would come on at a certain time and start cooking the meal and it would cut off after the time that she set. That meal would be ready for them as soon as they walked in the door. She nourished their bodies from afar I tell ya. Her husband and children were so glad  to have a home cooked meal and they praised her for it. It's doable ladies.  I have so many ideas on time management on our Homemaking page. 

 My point is, I had to work outside the home , but I was able to be creative to think of ways to still manage my home. I know this may not be an option for some couples due to finances, but there are other ways to be creative to manage the home, work and still give your spouse and children the attention they need. Read some books, there is one mentioned above, do some research on time management, watch some videos on time management and start jotting down ideas. If you just have to have a career and work outside the home, then it is worth the work doing the research to make that time easier and healthier for your marriage. 

Titus 2:1-15

2 But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: 2 that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; 3 the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— 4 that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

6 Likewise, exhort the young men to be sober-minded, 7 in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility,[a] 8 sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of [b]you.

9 Exhort bondservants to be obedient to their own masters, to be well pleasing in all things, not answering back, 10 not [c]pilfering, but showing all good [d]fidelity, that they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior in all things.

Trained by Saving Grace

11 For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, 12 teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age, 13 looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, 14 who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for good works.

15 Speak these things, exhort, and rebuke with all authority. Let no one despise you.

This just recaps alot of what I have already said, but God just said it bolder and with more authority that I did. I'm not even going to add anything to this because it is way self  explanatory. However, I will say that just as it states, that it is our job to go out and help others learn and to teach others how to do these things.  Those of us who are more seasoned (ok, older) are to mentor the younger generations, but we have to have the right knowledge too. Even us older ones can still gleen information from an older one than us.  When all these older generations are gone, Ya'll we have lost the pillars, the saints of old, the ones who had their stuff together. Grab you an older saint from the older generations and hang on to every word they say. They survived some of the toughest times you and I will never see.  The stress of wars, the Great Depression with hardly no food to eat, multiple, I mean multiple children. If we don't teach these younger generations, someone will and it will be someone you don't want. 

I Peter 3:1-7

1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 

2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. 

3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 

4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. 

5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 

6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. 

7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

This is is great too. I want to point out something  that I stated in a passage above. Husbands and wives, your spouse may be an unbeliever. This can sometimes make matters very sensitive in the home. Never stop praying, never stop fulfilling your biblical job that God has called you to do.   You are witnessing to them and winning them with your actions. Your obedience to Gods word is leading them to God.Be patient with your spouse. Sometimes a spouse needs more time to learn to adjust to the role they are suppose to play in the home. Remember, some people were not taught this by parents when they were younger. Help your spouse learn. 

 However, if your spouse is very objectable to the Bible and Gods word, walk lightly and still show respect. If you are being harmed, please get help and counseling. Even men get abused in todays society. 

 

Now that we have our roles in the marriage established, don't let anxieties, stress and worries start taking control of you or your spouse. Men, you will start worrying about finances, provision, protection and security. Ladies, you will start worrying about managing the home, your job, caring for the children, etc. As a couple, go into this with  plan. When things come about that are not planned, discuss them and work on strategies to overcome them together. Put a budget in place, discuss time management skills, and other management skills. Plan and dream together to work towards those goals. The Bible says: "For I know the plans I have for you,"  declares the Lord, "plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

I split up a passage for a purpose. Because this one is a sensitive area but is the major ground in a marriage. INTIMACY. Yep, you should know we have to cover this one. Cannot be avoided.  So buckle up Buttercups, let's just jump right in there.

 I want to make something very clear. God designed sex as well as everything else he designed. He intended it to be for a union between man and woman. It was designed to be special between a woman and a man. It joins bodies, hearts, souls and minds. It is designed to be therapeutic, pleasurable, desirable, to multiply the earth, and a means to outwardly express love beautifully. God never intended it to be perversed, dirty, sinful, unnatural, abusive etc. Todays society has told us otherwise. Look at the immoral sexual rise today. It use to be secret, special, innocent. Now, thanks to the tv, internet, and Hollywood, it's just right in front of our very eyes, even little ones who we are suppose to protect. It is in music, tv programs, video games, movies, every day conversation, books etc. You name it. 

 I'm going to share Gods intended design for a union between man and woman and  some of ways that he deems it immoral sin. 

Proverbs 5:15-19 

15 Drink water from your own cistern,
    flowing water from your own well.
16 Should your springs be scattered abroad,
    streams of water in the streets?
17 Let them be for yourself alone,
    and not for strangers with you.
18 Let your fountain be blessed,
    and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
19     a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
    be intoxicated[a] always in her love.

  The book, Song of Solomon in the Bible is full of songs that depict love in all its spontaneity, beauty, power, and exclusiveness- experienced in its various moments of seperation, intimacy, anguish and ecstasy, tension and contentment. "The Voice of Love" book. The whole book  is like one long love song. Beautiful. Copied from the introduction page from my bible.

I Corinthians 7: 1-7

Principles of Marriage

7 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:

It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. 7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.

I'm going to be bold in some statements here. First, sexual immorality is on the rise as I said earlier. Just because you are married doesn't mean you will never be tempted by someone of the opposite sex. Your should have eyes only for  your spouse. Your thoughts should be on your spouse only. If you have eyes for someone else or thoughts of someone else, you have already  committed adultery in your heart.  You have to guard every part of your body and mind against temptations.  If you struggle in this area, and you truly think it is innocent, please get some counseling. Talk to your spouse and be open and honest and ask for his or her help. Read the stories of King David in the Bible when he looked upon Bethsheba and then Joseph when he lived in Potiphers house. They both were tempted, but each responded in two entirely different ways and they both encountered entirely different outcomes. The Bible is very clear on adultery. So much so, that it is one of the 10 Commandments set forth by God himself. THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY.  If you are completely innocent and both of you are extremely good at guarding your marriage, you may have to break ties with friends or even family if they are disrespectful to your wishes and continue to do things even after you have repeatedly asked or warned. Being committed to one person for the rest of your life is serious business. You can't make a vow to one person, and then not be committed. If you can't commit and be loyal to one person, please, just don't marry. However, it's not biblical to be in a sexual relationship with someone and not do the honorable thing, so you have a decision to make. Pray about it. God can give you direction and clarity. 

I'm going to go one step further and say this. When "needs" are not being met at home, sometimes  temptations come in to want to find someone else to fulfill those needs. Men, wives are more emotional, which means they love to talk. If you are not a talker, and she needs to talk, then she will find someone who will. That may  include talking to someone outside of your marriage of the opposite sex. There is a big temptation ready to happen. Ladies, men are driven more sexually. Physically. Which means, if your are not satisfying his needs at home, what do you think is going to happen? Temptation to find someone to fulfill those needs or worse yet, get involved in pornography. Please don't start talking about your problems to other people including friends. Some friends have good intentions, but can give wrong advice especially if they have ill feelings toward your spouse or other issues. They can cause you to have negative thoughts towards your spouse.  It may cause you to start looking at your spouse differently, like degrading or unappreciative. Bring issues up with your spouse first.

 We will discuss strategies for both scenarios in a bit. My point being, leaving your spouses needs unfulfilled leads to temptation. Not guarding your marriage leads to temptations. There is hope for resisting temptations. First is to recognize you have a problem. Talk to your spouse and ask for help. If you can't talk to your spouse, reach out to a counselor. Next, read,  I Corinthians 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. God always provides a way for escape. You have to be willing to find it. 

 My next point in these verses is, each of your bodies is for your spouse to enjoy. You should never use your body as a manipulation to get what you want. Ladies, just because you  get mad at your husbands does not give you the right to with hold your body from him. Neither is it right to use your body to get what you want such as a pair of shoes. Husband and wives, it is never ok to abuse either bodies. Yes, men can be physically abused too. If you are being physically abused (sexually), please speak up and get help. 

I realize in marriage there may be times when you are, per say, "not in the mood".  Alot of factors are the culprit of this.  Job demands, no energy, children demands, etc.  Talk to your spouse and find strategies to overcome these obstacles. Find some time management skills.  For example, start an earlier bedtime routine with the children. Both parties help. Maybe one can clean the kitchen after supper, while the other gives the kids a bath.  Put the kids to bed together. Turn everything off, lock the doors and head to your room. Men, sometimes women are so drained by the time they finish up everything, that they are literally zapped. You want some attention too? Start helping. Schedule date nights, get someone to watch the children, find out what the problem is that is causing this problem and discuss it so you can come up with your own ideas for solutions. Your intimacy is worth it. You have  got to put forth the effort or this portion of your marriage will suffer. 

Is your intimacy lacking spice? Is it the same old, same old? Well, talk about it. Discuss things that you would like to try differently. Think outside the box. Talk about what you would like for him or her to do for you. Be willing to try new things. Go buy that sexy lingerie or undergarments. Light some candles, play some music. Guys, it takes alot of work to get a woman aroused, you will have to be willing to whoo her and go with the flow. Maybe you don't like bubble baths, well, learn to like them. Ladies, don't freak out or think that some of his ideas are perverted. A guys mind thinks a whole lot different than ours. It does not take much to arouse them.  Both have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone to make necessary changes. Creating more spice, creates more passion. When that passion is released the sparks will fly for both of you. You light each others fires. Literally.  Intimacy takes work. Be willing to work for it. You will not be disappointed. 

Medical issues: if you are suffering from medical issues or irritations ( UTI's, yeast infections or something more serious) that keep you from enjoying this natural part of marriage, please get some medical help.  If you don't get medical help, you are only cheating yourself.

Postpartum Depression: Men, please, please pay attention in this area. this is a delicate and serious problem. Some women have gotten into such a dark place with this that they have committed suicide or harmed the baby.  It is a chemical imbalance of the brain that occurs after giving birth when the hormones are so out of whack per say. It will take a while for her  hormones to get back to normal. She is also sleep deprived and drained of any ounce of energy at the moment. The last thing on her mind is wanting another human being touching her. Please pay attention to any warning signs such as negative feelings about herself as a mother, anxiety over the baby like overly concerned that it creates paranoia, hostility toward the baby or irritability toward everyone, extreme guilt, exhaustion, lack of motivation to do anything, ignoring self care, panic attacks, appetite changes (not eating), lack of sex drive, worsening depression. These are all clear warning signs that need to be watched carefully. If you notice any of these please get her some help, be her supporter. Get someone in to help with some of the duties. Make sure she is taking care of herself. Ladies, please don't ignore these signs either. If you are feeling any of these, please speak up, ask for help. Make an appt with your dr. Remember 99% of husbands do not know what to do during this time. They do not know what to look for, no one prepared them for this, please tell them how to help you and men, please listen. She is silently crying out for help. Whatever you do please do not let resentment towards your husband or wife come in. This leads to bitterness. Those two things are very hard to overcome. Ladies, don't forget, your husband still needs attention too. He may start feeling left out if you are so consumed with taking care of the baby. Please, ask for help, take care of yourself for your spouse, you and your baby.  Now, do yall see why I say communication is so crucial to a marriage. Seems couples have alot to talk about already. 

Rape, Molestation, or even Incest: This does not just happen to women. Men and young boys have been violated too. This is something that needs to be dealt with through counseling and therapy. This is an emotional scar that takes patience, understanding, and compassion. Please, if this has happened to you, speak up and out. Get the proper help you need to move on with your life to enjoy something that is very natural and beautiful. Do not let what someone else did to you rob you of something so special. It was never your fault and is still not your fault. 

Menstrual Cycles: Guys, we would like to apologize in advance for anything we might do, say, or think while we are in this state of trauma. LOL. You see, it effects women different ways. Blessed is the woman that when this time comes upon her, it doesn't seem to effect her at all. She can go about her days nonchalantly. When there are those of us who look ans act like something that just came out of the Poltergeist movie.  Let me explain, we are hurting, like really bad hurting. Some women have cramps so bad that it lands them in bed, headaches so bad that it renders them helpless. Our hormones are so out of whack that it is emotionally driving us insane. Hence, one minute we can be all loving, then the next we are ready to scratch your eyeballs out. We are flowing a disgusting liquid from our bodies that can cause us to have accidents sometimes which in turn  causes us an amount of embarrassment that leads to lowering our self confidence and dignity. Our whole countenance changes. Hence, the death stare. if you've seen it, you know. With the occasional hissing sounds we make if you get near our bodies. We do not want to be touched, but if you don't come over there and comfort us there is no telling what we are liable to do. Now, that's not so hard to understand is it? Now, you get it. WE DON'T GET IT EITHER. This is something that happens and we have no control over. When I get to Heaven I'm going to kick Eve square on the shins for this. Just help us through this time. Just know that we are not ourselves and it will be over shortly. Then you can have your little darlings back. Well, maybe.  And a word to the Fathers of girls. Start paying close attention to when your daughter is close to puberty. Believe me, you will start noticing changes. Tread lightly. This is a sensitive, embarrassing situation for her. She is scared, embarrassed, and hurting, literally. Moms know what to do, but you need to know too.  Here are just some funnies I had to throw in 

The last thing I can think of is maybe there is some resentment or bitterness that either one of you have been harboring. Maybe it is how you treat each other, bad habits that irritate you, etc. Just let me say, that is something that needs to be addressed and resolved real quick. I mean real quick. The longer you let bitterness and resentment hide, the worse it gets and it causes you to eventually begin to hate the other person. Do not let this go any further. Talk about what is bothering you. Be wiling to make some changes if need be. My husband and I have this understanding . He is a natural born aggravator. He loves to aggravate the fire out of me. He could do it so much that eventually I would just become angry or he would hurt my feelings. Yes, he would apologize but it would take a while for me to just gain my composure back. So we talked about it. He listened. I shared how he could literally make me feel bad. He began to understand. If I would have never told him, he would have never known, and resentment would have built up.  So we came to a compromise. I couldn't change that part of his character (because sometimes I have to admit it was kind of cute), so if he starts aggravating and I am getting to the point that it is starting to hurt my feelings or irritate the crap out of me, all I have to do is tell him, "You have reached your limit for today!" Then wholah, he stops and apologizes and says, "OK, no more. I love you!" Now see, that wasn't so bad was it? You need to be willing to stop doing some things especially if they are nit picky. 

Maybe you aren't treating each other kindly anymore like you were when you were dating. Just because you get married doesn't mean  you stop being nice to one another. Get back to doing those things that attracted you to one another anyway. Those random acts of kindness. My husband and I have this thing that, we go out of our way to be nice and show kindness to each other. He does something for me, I do something for him. We take turns. I fix his lunch at night,  he makes me coffee the next morning before I get up. If I have spent all day in the kitchen cooking, he will help with laundry or something. Now, that's not so hard now is it? Iron those issues out before they start becoming a problem. COMMUNICATE!!!!!!! Get back to taking care of one another. Ladies, fix his favorite meal, asking what he wants to eat  every once in a while. Men, dance that dance with her in the kitchen. Ya'll sometimes, its just the little things that mean the most. Just to show you care.  Praise one another . I can not stress enough how much your tone and the way you say things make a big difference.  Praise is so appreciated and it has been proven that praise lifts a persons self esteem, self confidence to the point to where they try even harder and harder to get better at what they are doing. Hence, coaches. Coaches push their atheletes, but at the same time they praise them. This makes them play the game even  harder and get better. See, win win. 

Are you spending too much time with friends instead of each other? Are you putting other things before each other? There has to be a healthy balance. My husband loves to hunt. He can go hunting as long as we do something together too. Like going to to the movies.  Get involved in each others hobbies. I joined in on hunting. I really enjoy it. I got tired of being left behind, so I just said, "I'm coming too." Believer it or not, that's what my husband had been wanting to hear. Learn to compromise and do things together. Try to join in on each others activity. It may take alot of compromising and possibly doing things you may not enjoy doing, but just being there and being with them is all they want. To know that you want to spend time with them.  You do have to give a little freedom to let each one do some things they enjoy doing alone too or with friends.  Guys like to hunt and fish (as in my house), women like to go have lunch with friends. Just remember to not put them before your spouse. Compromise. Take turns. 

When children come onto the scene: Boy this opens up a whole new ballgame. On our Parenting Page we cover alot of issues and suggestions to cover this area more in depth. Check it out. And I listed a few above. Just to recap and make it short and sweet, you have got to get creative in this area. You have to really communicate now. In those first few years , its going to be hard. You are going to have to learn to balance your time and learn time management. Literally. Your energy levels are going to be low,  husband is going to be stressing over his role as the father and husband in the home, the wife is going to be stressing over her role as the wife and mother. There is common ground, you just have to find it. Again, I say COMMUNICATE!!!!

As you get older: Well, seasons and age changes a persons hormones and body. This is another stage that requires patience, compassion and communication. Hormones change so the sex drive lowers, physical disabilities come along,  etc. Things are changing. Again, you have to get creative, talk to your spouse, speak to your Dr.  and try to get some help. Husbands, women have a hard time through menopause. You will too. Yes, men go through hormonal changes. Share your thoughts , ideas, and be open to new things to keep the romance alive and the spark lit. It's not a laughing matter. To couples this is an emotional battle. You get to the point to where you feel like you are not good enough for your spouse anymore and you begin to get depressed. You may even start to push the other away. DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN!!!!! Please talk, get some help. You have come too far in your marriage to allow something to come between you that naturally happens. When changes come, change with it. Don't overlook it. You said, "For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health"   Well, now it's time to prove it again. 

There are countless books out there. There are countless books out their for the earlier stages of marriage too. I will list a few to help you get started. These will make great gifts for newlyweds too. Where were these books when my husband and I got married? But you know what? My husband and I figured things out, we learned, we experienced, we talked and we shared. We didn't have someone to guide us every step of the way. The fun was in the learning, and we are still enjoying it. 

The books I am listing below are by Christian Authors and are by no means dirty or ugly books.  Read them together so you can discuss them together.

What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women by James Dobson

What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Men by Patrick M. Morley

Building A Great Marriage by Anne Ortlund

Marriage Takes More Than Love by Jack and Carole Mayhall

For Better Or For Best by Gary Smalley

Men In Midlife Crisis by Jim Conway

Seasons Of A Womans Life by Normajean Hinders

Seasons Of a Marriage by H. Norman Wright

Red Hot Monogomy by Bill Farrell (highly recommend) 

Married Sex by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

The 5 Love Needs of Men and Women by Gary and Barbara Rosberg

Marriage On The Rock by Jimmy Evans

Communication In Marriage by Marcus and Ashley Kusi

His Needs Her Needs by Willard F. Harley, Jr. 

She Comes First by Ian Kerner (this is not a dirty book) 

The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger 

WOW!!!!! We have covered a lot just in those few short verses. You see how Intimacy plays a HUGE roll in a marriage? 

I can't really go any further, until I cover this topic. Forgiveness. If at any time, either one of you have crossed the line of  adultery, you will have to deal with this quickly. First, will come confession after you come to the realization that it is wrong. You will be terrified to approach your spouse but it has to be done even if the outcome is not what you expected. Forgiveness is hard to come by for some people. They can know the scriptures on forgiveness and quote them word for word but it's the hurt that is hard to deal with. You have given something to someone else that was suppose to be theirs, your body. Remember the above verses. You broke the trust that your spouse had for you. That will be hard to get back. You broke that bond. However, God with his almighty power and promises, can restore everything you have lost. He is in the restoration business. He has restored so many marriages from this sin.  It takes prayer, willingness to listen, and most of all a willing heart to forgive. Forgetting  and trust will come with counseling. There are many marriage counselors out there. They can help you overcome these obstacles with prayer too. Please do not continue in this sin. The Bible does say to forgive, but eventually there was a cut off limit. Seventy times seven. Let's hope you don't take it that far.  Even God doesn't let sin continue for too long of a period before dealing with it himself. If you continue, the outcome will not be pleasant. 

Bringing Up Someones Past: Please, for all things that are right. Never bring up someones past especially if it happened before you met them. People did stupid things before they met you. Remember your teenage years? People can bring baggage and emotional scars into a marriage. Discuss them and leave them there. Move on. What someone did before they met you has nothing to do with you. However, there may be trust issues. If you have  gotten into an argument and you resolve it, DO NOT bring it up again in another argument. Let by gones be by gones. That's part of forgiveness. Never bring it up again. Not even in a joking manner.

Finances play a part in marriage too. The stress. Financial stress has torn so many couples apart. Please sit down and have a strategy for this one. Learn budgeting and accounting so you both can  keep a check on the bank account. I cannot tell you what to do with your money but just suggest that you both are on the same page as to where you want your dreams to go. One thing that stands out to me is a partner making a huge purchase without talking to the other one about it.  That should be a big no no.  Things should always be discussed before making a decision without your spouse. This causes trust issues and hurt feelings because you didn't consider them first.  The key is to plan, dream and spend together. 

Jobs and Other Responsibilities: 95% of married couples have to to work. That is a given in order to support and provide for your families. However, don't let the stress of your jobs come home with you. Leave work at work. Your home is suppose to be your safe place, where you can come to relax and find peace. Not more strife. If you bring your work home you are opening a door of stress and tension and you can't focus on the ones that matter most and that is your spouse and children.  If both spouses work and you come home in the evenings, share the responsibilities of cooking supper, cleaning up, getting the children ready for bed. It will never hurt. Men, if you are the soul provider and she has been at home all day with the kids, she might need a little mental break. Play with the kids while she cooks you a home cooked meal or cleans up. Your children have not seen you all day, they want your attention. Your children should be your safe place too. Ladies, a man does like to come home and relax and have a home cooked meal waiting on him. I know this is hard if you have had little ones clinging to you all day. Get creative with things and practice some time management skills. He also likes to come home to a clean house. Maybe, while supper is cooking, take an hour before dad gets home and tidy up a bit. Have the kids help. Kids also love to help do anything you are doing in the kitchen. I know this might be harder if you have babies that have just had to be held all day. Been there, done that, for two generations. I have literally wore babies while cooking and cleaning. Hey, if it  works. Men, if she has had a rough day, please don't jump on her the minute you walk in the door.  You haven't been there all day. You don't know. There is a reason  God chose the women to have the babies.  Be patient and kind with one another. help each other out and swap roles for just a bit. When it is time for bed, then have discussions about your day. Soothe each other, calm each other. The children should come first especially if they have not seen either  of you all day. They have little anxieties too.  This is a team remember? 

And of course, I can't go any further without talking about the dreaded word or topic of Divorce. Please, for everything that is good and right in this world, exhaust all other options first before getting to or even think about  this options.  Please don't let things get this far before getting help. Marriage is a work in  progress, if you work at it daily, you want get to this point. Please be willing to get help. Counseling from someone professional, or someone in the church you trust, some older, seasoned couples. I'm kind of leery of anyone getting married advice from someone who has never been married, or someone who is divorced. Please don't take this offensively, but it makes me wonder what happened the first time and they may be carrying bitterness that may spread to you. Be careful who you get advice from. Some people may have good intentions but may cause more damage. If you have a spouse that is not willing to get help or go through counseling or even make changes for the sake of your marriage, I can't tell you what to do. Cry out to God and release all your cares on him. I have seen God work in couples marriages that were just about to sign the papers. He restored their marriage and they were more powerful than the day they got married. He is in the restoration and healing business, yes, including marriages.

If you made it down this far, I know you were very interested and you possibly needed some of this information. There is plenty more to come. Go grab that next snack! lol

I truly hope I have helped someone along this journey of something that was designed by God to be a beautiful thing. Please work at, fight for, and treasure your marriage. Don't let the flames die out. If things start going wrong, go back to the beginning, remember why you fell in love in the first place. Rekindle and reconnect. Repair it. Make some necessary changes. Get some counseling. Don't let your marriage start suffering.

There are still plenty of scriptures below that helps you understand the role you play as husbands and wives. Study them very carefully together.

I am going to leave you with plenty more scriptures, memes and quotes that are pretty much self explanatory. Read them and ponder them in your heart. 

Philippians 4:6-9

6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Meditate on These Things

8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. 9 The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.

Phillipians 1: 6-10

6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; 7 just as it is right for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart, inasmuch as both in my chains and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers with me of grace. 8 For God is my witness, how greatly I long for you all with the affection of Jesus Christ.

9 And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, 10 that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ,

 

Colossians 3:5-17

New King James Version

5 Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, 7 in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them.

8 But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. 9 Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, 10 and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him, 11 where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcised nor uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave nor free, but Christ is all and in all.

Character of the New Man

12 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. 14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. 15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 17 And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

Colossians 4:6

New King James Version

6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.

1 Timothy 2:8-15

8 I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting; 9 in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and [a]moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, 10 but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works. 11 Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. 12 And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. 15 Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control.

1 Timothy 3:11-16

11 Likewise, their wives must be reverent, not [a]slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things. 12 Let deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well. 13 For those who have served well as deacons obtain for themselves a good standing and great boldness in the faith which is in Christ Jesus.

1 Peter 4:8-9

8 And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.” 9 Be hospitable to one another without grumbling.

Matthew 6:21

New King James Version

21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

1 Corinthians 12:7-11

New King James Version

7 But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to each one for the profit of all: 8 for to one is given the word of wisdom through the Spirit, to another the word of knowledge through the same Spirit, 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healings by [a]the same Spirit, 10 to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another discerning of spirits, to another different kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. 11 But one and the same Spirit works all these things, distributing to each one individually as He wills.

1 Corinthians 15:58

New King James Version

58 Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.

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Ecclesiastes 3:1-9

King James Version

• 3 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

  2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

  3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

  4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

  5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

  6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

  7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

  8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

  9 What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?

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• I would love to invite everyone to read the Book Of Proverbs. You want to talk about gaining knowledge. You sure will after that. Proverbs is all full of the wisest sayings from the wisest King who ever lived. King Solomon. 

• Be sure to check out our YouTube channel too for more content:

• Keeper of the Home at 4D Farms
  

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If you have made it down this far then I know you are very serious about wanting to have a very Godly marriage. Please enjoy the rest of these quotes and Memes. They have very valuable encouragement and a little common sense thrown in.